forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize