party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
