If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
