a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
