hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
