He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
