The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
