a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
