Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
