I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Green mimosas i think yes
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
