Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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