i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize