Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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