dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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