Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
