But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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