Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize