If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
