The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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