You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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