All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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