Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
