I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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