so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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