I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
