Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
