Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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