he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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