Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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