i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
