I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
