I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
