my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Never underestimate the power of titties
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
