its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
