I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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