kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
