1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
