one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Pooping to opera.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
