Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
