i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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