Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How naked do you want me to be?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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