Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The uberlube is also flammable
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
