Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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