I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
