I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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