I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
