Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
