I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
