I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think my fart just growled at me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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