I didn't shave. On purpose
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
