that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
