Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
