I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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