Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
