I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
