How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
