R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
