why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
