To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
