I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
