So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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