the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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