The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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