I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What a dumb baby whore.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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