I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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