if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No subtext here. People are naked.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
