They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
