I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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