Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
