I wish I could punch you in the face.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
