Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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