i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
